Showing posts with label emotional issues. Show all posts
Showing posts with label emotional issues. Show all posts
Read it at the new blog:
Grappling and Taking Down the Emotional Monster
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So, I didn't meet my challenge goal of 250 lbs. I ended up just maintaining since I last checked in, more or less. 258.8 Thursday weigh-in, the final day of the Summer Slimmin' Challenge.
Began challenge: 267.6
Ended challenge: 258.8
Loss: 8.8 lbs
I am at fault, of course, for not meeting my goals. We are each at fault, when it comes down to it, when we don't give something our all. I simply did not consistently hold up to the challenge suggestions.
BUT...I did end up losing weight and getting into a new "decade" and trying some new stuff strategy/foodwise, and I ended up feeling oddly, mostly calm. Not feeling edge or bingey for most of it. In fact, I feel a lot more calm in general about my eating and I've found myself saying no more easily to pizza, even when I want it. I just have said no with more ease.
Ease.
Well, how much that will continue, who can say? I deeply hope it's part of a larger trajectory towards a better, more healthful weight for me, a place below 200 eventually, but I don't feel rushed, like I do occasionally when I feel like joining a challenge (where I have always lapsed). Lord in Heaven knows there have been plenty of "losers" who think they won the battle only to regain and find, oops, no they didn't. So, I don't ever think my battle will be over, but maybe, just maybe, I'm getting used to the warrior mindset. Not "in full battle mode" warrior, but the warrior in the less intense war zone who still has to be vigilant and make progress. I think maybe I should strive to be a more active, right in the midst of it warrior. But I think that's just not me. I'm a meanderer, not a fighter.
a fat-sorta-fighter? hah.
Whatever, I have not made any great strides in changing behavior other than simply feelng less prone to stuff my face, feeling more prone to leave stuff on the plate and for leftovers, feeling more inclined to DECLINLE inviations to danger zones (read fave Italian and Mexican restaurants).
We do have a gift certificate to a highly rated pasta place and that will be an interesting challenge, as pasta IS one of my danger foods (very easy to just go hog wild when the plate is in your face). But I'm going to assess myself before going (or reschedule). I do plan to have a protein shake BEFORE I leave to sort of take the edge off my appetite. Then, let's see how THAT goes.
I like this non-frantic about food place. I do wish I were not merely maintaining and were more diligent about tracking, water, and more consistent with exercising on non-training days. But I just feel more hopeful, like before year's end, I can lose another 10 to 15 pounds, maybe even 20. That pace would be painfully slow for some, but 4 or 5 pounds a month would be significant in the long run and would put my mind more at ease about my skin having a chance to rebound.
I really continue to get freaked if I try to think about the skin hanging issue to come (and some already here). So, I don't overthink it. I just let myself think in terms of slowness--even if it means years--and keep using good oils and creams to keep skin soft, and keep taking my vitamins to nourish the whole of me, hoping I can have some snap back...
In time, I hope I am so much lighter that I will then have to consider the surgical implications. BUT....perhaps the slow turtle can hope that the skin adapts even a bit. I keep talking to my skin at bedtime, after I've used my Parisian huile de soin after my shower, after I've put the MSM cream on my batwings, thighs, and belly: Please, please, just pull yourself together, be elastic for me, will you, and knit yourself into a smaller size.
My skin may not be listening, but then, the human mind and body are strange, strange things. Maybe it is.
So, me and food are being quite polite to each other and I am not feeling antsy. For now, this is a blessing.
I missed my challenge goal, but I am glad I dipped into it. I'm lighter than when I went into it in June, lighter by just under 9 pounds.
Know what that means: I will look into another challenge. I'll likely meander through that one, too, but if I learn something, advance in my relationship with food, and lose some weight, even if not my goal of loss, the challenge is a success for me.
For my fellow challengers---hope you got something good out of it.
Thanks to Z for organizing it, even if her puter went kaput in the last weeks...
Began challenge: 267.6
Ended challenge: 258.8
Loss: 8.8 lbs
I am at fault, of course, for not meeting my goals. We are each at fault, when it comes down to it, when we don't give something our all. I simply did not consistently hold up to the challenge suggestions.
BUT...I did end up losing weight and getting into a new "decade" and trying some new stuff strategy/foodwise, and I ended up feeling oddly, mostly calm. Not feeling edge or bingey for most of it. In fact, I feel a lot more calm in general about my eating and I've found myself saying no more easily to pizza, even when I want it. I just have said no with more ease.
Ease.
Well, how much that will continue, who can say? I deeply hope it's part of a larger trajectory towards a better, more healthful weight for me, a place below 200 eventually, but I don't feel rushed, like I do occasionally when I feel like joining a challenge (where I have always lapsed). Lord in Heaven knows there have been plenty of "losers" who think they won the battle only to regain and find, oops, no they didn't. So, I don't ever think my battle will be over, but maybe, just maybe, I'm getting used to the warrior mindset. Not "in full battle mode" warrior, but the warrior in the less intense war zone who still has to be vigilant and make progress. I think maybe I should strive to be a more active, right in the midst of it warrior. But I think that's just not me. I'm a meanderer, not a fighter.
a fat-sorta-fighter? hah.
Whatever, I have not made any great strides in changing behavior other than simply feelng less prone to stuff my face, feeling more prone to leave stuff on the plate and for leftovers, feeling more inclined to DECLINLE inviations to danger zones (read fave Italian and Mexican restaurants).
We do have a gift certificate to a highly rated pasta place and that will be an interesting challenge, as pasta IS one of my danger foods (very easy to just go hog wild when the plate is in your face). But I'm going to assess myself before going (or reschedule). I do plan to have a protein shake BEFORE I leave to sort of take the edge off my appetite. Then, let's see how THAT goes.
I like this non-frantic about food place. I do wish I were not merely maintaining and were more diligent about tracking, water, and more consistent with exercising on non-training days. But I just feel more hopeful, like before year's end, I can lose another 10 to 15 pounds, maybe even 20. That pace would be painfully slow for some, but 4 or 5 pounds a month would be significant in the long run and would put my mind more at ease about my skin having a chance to rebound.
I really continue to get freaked if I try to think about the skin hanging issue to come (and some already here). So, I don't overthink it. I just let myself think in terms of slowness--even if it means years--and keep using good oils and creams to keep skin soft, and keep taking my vitamins to nourish the whole of me, hoping I can have some snap back...
In time, I hope I am so much lighter that I will then have to consider the surgical implications. BUT....perhaps the slow turtle can hope that the skin adapts even a bit. I keep talking to my skin at bedtime, after I've used my Parisian huile de soin after my shower, after I've put the MSM cream on my batwings, thighs, and belly: Please, please, just pull yourself together, be elastic for me, will you, and knit yourself into a smaller size.
My skin may not be listening, but then, the human mind and body are strange, strange things. Maybe it is.
So, me and food are being quite polite to each other and I am not feeling antsy. For now, this is a blessing.
I missed my challenge goal, but I am glad I dipped into it. I'm lighter than when I went into it in June, lighter by just under 9 pounds.
Know what that means: I will look into another challenge. I'll likely meander through that one, too, but if I learn something, advance in my relationship with food, and lose some weight, even if not my goal of loss, the challenge is a success for me.
For my fellow challengers---hope you got something good out of it.
Thanks to Z for organizing it, even if her puter went kaput in the last weeks...
But one thing I wish we could have more of in this fatfighting microcosm online is tolerance for the way each person feels they need to journey toward a better weight and better health.
Not every body, every mind, every emotional situation is the same. Some people will never understand those of us who do emotional binge eating. I will never understand people who can tolerate liquid protein fasts or, egads, puke up meals. (I have a serious pukephobia. I'd lay in bed trying hard to not puke even as a kid with stomach flu. I hate the sensation of food and bile coming right back up my throat. How do bulimics do that???)
But I can UNDERSTAND that we got fat--and STAY fat-- for more reasons than just "ate too much". Ate too much is fundamental--more calories than our bodies can handle and we gain weight. That's the basic layer, the thick heavy poured-out root of the structure.
But physiologically, some people handle sweets and carbs better and others are absolutely sent off on highs and lows and binges by them. Some livers handle things better than other livers. Some of us have non-functional (or minimally-functional) thyroid glands, and others have normal or hyper ones. Some of us got put on appetite-increasing (but essential) medications, and maybe others got on needed (or elective) medications that revved up metabolism or reduced appetite. Some folks are tall and some short, some male, some female, some mushy and some muscular, so some can eat more than others even with activity rates factored in. Some of us have moral issues for or against eating meat --or how animal products are raised and butchered--and some of us have environmental concerns about pesticides or responsible farming and others don't. Some have tight budgets and some lavish ones. Some of us suffer from depressions that, rather than curtailing appetites (gee, why couldn't I have THAT version), have depressions that send us self-medicating with food to raise mood. Some of us had parents who took effort to make healthful, low-caloric meals. Some of us had moms and grandmoms who were food pushers. Some of us were abused and castoff, some of us were nurtured and valued. Some of us thrive on exercise, love it like some love a glazed donut; others hate to sweat and would rather have dental surgery than go to the gym. Some of us have terrible joint pain upon movement, so moderate to vigorous exercise can prove excruciating. Some of us have high-stress cranking out the cortisol, others have more leisurely lives. Some of us have to cook for various people in a household with various tastes, some only need to cater to a couple, or just to ourselves.
I was reading Lyn's excellent blog, and she's apparently getting grief about Medifast as a diet choice and its sustainability lifelong.
Well, I'll say this: I am leery of packaged foods diets a la Nutrisystem, MediFast, Jenny Craig, ONLY cause I really do think that natural food is generally better for us and fresh organic even moreso, and because I am concerned about hefty caloric restriction causing metabolic issues (which I suspect is at the heart of some gastric bypass folks regaining weight on much lower caloric levels than normal).
But ya know, we're different and we gotta try different things to learn how we handle stuff. And we gotta realize none of us is the expert about another person's life and body.
I would even try something like Medifast or Jenny Craig in order to LEARN about my body and self and nutrition, etc. I might not keep doing it or like it, but I think every diet can teach us something. Lyn has learned a lot on MediFast, and while the pics of MediFast food grosses me out, she's losing weight and feeling great and she realizes she does better on low carb. Period.
For people to start harping about sustainability isn't going to help. And what we fatfighters want is HELP, not the critical gallery. If Lyn had been doing, say, old Kimkins, with 500 to 800 calories and minimal fat and not enough nutrients, I'd say, "Hey, girl, you're damaging your body with starvation levels of calories and not enough nutrition. You're gonna go bald and have metabolic slowdown!"
But as long as she is well-nourished (and she is) and she's feeling health and emotional improvements, who the hell am I to neener-bo her?
No, I am too busy neener-booing myself. :)
What I need from you , what I really want, if you're willing, is the good word that's gonna be the wind at my back to move me along, even if just a little, towards my goals.
If you don't have that good word: move along. I don't need a downer.
Please, when you visit assorted blogs, even if you have misgivings about the ultimate success of A, B, or C diet or weight loss technique (and let's all laugh through our tears together at how ineffective just about all of them have been for most Americans so far in terms of sustainable losses), as long as the person is not anorexic, bulimic, or doing something patently nuts, let's give them a cheery "I wish you well; I'm rooting for you." And if you have a good, solid, positive tip in your own successful journey, go for it.
If a plan or technique fails for someone, it will be evident soon enough. That's life. But it's really kinda a bummer, not to mention not at all helpful, to be told "Oh, you can't keep that up. You're gonna fail."
How does that help? Hmm?
Let people try stuff. Let people ride their wind. And if they fail, then help them get back up.
Now, that's not to say we shouldn't HAVE DISCUSSIONS in general about this stuff--what we see might be dangerous, fallacious, ill-advised. I do believe in informed consent re lap bands and gastric bypass. But as long as people know the pros and cons (of diets, of training equipment, of particular supplements or foods, etc), if they wanna go ahead, then let's give them the cheerleader's rah-rah. We should want EACH OF US TO SUCCEED. We should wish for it. Pray for it.
And we should want the dieting odds to be beaten to a bloody pulp in every case.
So, like so many others are doing for the summer, I'm taking on a summer slimming challenge. Do challenges help ultimately? I dunno. Maybe to refocus us on good habits for weight loss and to get support. But I know it's better to keep fighting and trying than to just look at the bad odds (98% of dieters fail) and say, "Oh, well, might as well order a double-meat pizza."
Here's to everyone trying to get healthier and slimmer. I want you to win, and I want to win, too.
I made a healthful breakfast this morning, including 3/4 fresh juice and an egg-white scramble with 5 servings of veggies (zucchini, spinach, onions, green pepper, mushrooms). I made hubby a fresh and healthful lunch to keep him shiny and handsome.
And I'm gonna start writing again after ages of not doing so. It's National Novel Writing Month, so why not? A good time to jump back in.
I'm feeling good, and I want to feel proud at the END of this day, having done my best to eat for health and move for health and think affirmatively.
We need a change
Do it today
I can feel my spirit rising
We need a change
So do it today
'Cause I can see a clear horizon
What have you done today to make you feel proud?
So what have you done today to make you feel proud?
I am totally NOT giving it 100%. I'm not even giving it 80%. Shoot, I'm barely hitting 55%.
And my biggest step backwards, my hugest slack-off, from when I was losing--and even maintaining--is...not doing grocery shopping, meal planning, and home cooking.
Without question, this is my big hurdle to tackle this week. Without this, I might as well admit I'm gonna fail.
I've been back into getting take-out, eating out. This spells disaster. It has. I'm stuck at just nearly 8 pounds from my best during this blog's existence. And it's not budging. I thought I could do it with judicious eating out. I can't.
It got especially bad when I was sick (hey, now there's an excuse to order pizza or have hubb go to the local Mexican restaurant or Kabob place). And as I was coming back home after driving through Taco Bell post Pilates (talk about ruining a good deed with a bad one), I told myself this had to stop. I had to get my cooking mojo back on.
So, I committed to myself to go get groceries either later today (if I can get my second wind, as I feel mighty pooped) or after my ultrasound appointment tomorrow. But no later.
I have to admit. I have NO excuse not to grocery shop and plan and cook meals. It's just plain laziness. It's just bad old habits taking over again.
No. Gotta kick the take-out habit. Trying to regulate it (ie, promising to choose only healthful options) isn't working. I gotta just make my food. I have to control what goes into my meals. I have to turn that stove and oven back on. I have to stock that freezer and fridge and the fruit bowls. Period.
And you know, I'm not the only one who needs to do this. Read this a few minutes ago at Diets in Review:
Since 1965, women have gone from spending 13 hours per week cooking meals to the meager 30 minutes per day now, and in that time the number of overweight women has more than doubled, to 65 percent. Biggest Loser cookbooks author Devin Alexander pointed out that “Twenty minutes in the kitchen will save you three hours on the StairMaster.”
Yes. We've become a nation of eater-outers, not home-cookers. Let's be real. At home, you have to measure out the oil and butter and dressing and cheese and portion the meat and chicken and tofu or whatever. You just don't get this plate, like magic, from the Kitchen Fairy. You can't say, "Well, maybe this mashed potato isn't so bad, or these veggies weren't doused in too much butter." At home, you can't fool yourself. You know exactly what's in there, cause YOU put it in there.
I love to eat out. As I told hubby yesterday, after we left the gynecologist (where he held my hand during the painful exam), when he commented how he likes buffets cause he serves himself (and he has VERY little food at buffets, cause his appetitie is pretty small for a tall feller, and they definitely MAKE money off him, cause he never eats 10 bucks worth!), I like being served. I LOVE having someone bring me yummies and take away dirty plates and ask me if I want coffee and dessert.
It makes me feel like an Empress. Or, okay, a Princess. :)
I think a small part of it's 'cause my parents were not eater-outers. Eating out was this amazing thing to me. I'd see sidewalk cafes in NYC when we visited Manhattan and it was so alien. A thing only special people did. Not poor people like us.
I never sat down in my first Chinese restaurant until I was 16, and that because a friend's dad invited me out to eat with his family. I found it astonishing. And it's the same today. I get this wild thrill at heading to a sit-down restaurant and having whatever my heart desires.
Sit-down restaurants are like small vacations. Drive-throughs are me just not wanting to do any work. Either way, they both are about self-spoiling. For me, anyway. Luxury. Not wisdom or self-control. Indulgence.
My parents never modeled this. This is just ME. Spoiling myself. Acting all rich, right? No...They were homey types, simple folks who worked very hard at low-paying work and who watched pennies like hawks watching field mice. Cooking at home was economical. No takeout, except for a walk to the bakery to get bread. That's what poor folks did and do, especially poor immigrant folks who have a hankering for their ethnic flavors, do. Eat at home.
For me, eating out is a huge luxury. It's what rich people do. What my parents could not do.
It's crazy how much money we waste eating out. Really shameful. We could be putting that towards retirement or paying off our car note. Seriously.
It's a bad economy--a perfect time to figure out how to eat well without spending a fortune. It's a challenge, but not insurmountable. For the $5 or $6 bucks that cafeteria or eat-out turkey sandwich costs plus whatever beverage you get and maybe that bag o' chips, you can make two to four lunches at home (depending on what you eat).
So, the Princess needs to haul her fat butt to Whole Foods and get what she needs for a week of meals. I love eating out too much to nix it altogether. But man, even if I reduce it to once or twice a week, that's better than what I've been doing. Every single dinner and most lunches out. Crazy. Foolish.
Oh, man. Back to the basics.
~
I've had a tough few days, breathing-wise, and as a consequence, eating wise. I've been wanting salt, and I have slacked off mywater, so I'm bloated as a result. (Time to guzzle water and coconut water.) Bleh.
But I decided not to get into that negative mindset that goes into attack mode: Why didn't you eat more potassium-rich foods, dummy? Why did you have to have that salty soup, idiot?
No, none of that.
Here's why:
Yes, I weighed myself this morning, and got bummed over the bloat-weight. BUT...
I was listening to the radio while getting ready to go to Pilates (my first class since over three weeks ago, when I stopped going due to my breathing issues.) I am still not completely well. I'm still congested. But instead of feeling like someone was sitting on my chest and strangling me, it feels like they got off my chest and just have their hands around my throat and pressing a bit. It's improvement, though hardly wonderful. But I figured if all I could do was stretch, then that's what we'd do. I felt all stiff from sitting/lying around for 3.5 weeks. So, I needed, NEEDED, to get some exercise/stretching.
So, back to my morning moment: I was listening to the radio show in the bathroom, one on a local Christian station, and a lady who got up to 350 pounds was talking about her personal journey. And she said that the thing that clicked, that got her to begin to shed the weight was realizing and accepting how very much she was loved. That even at 350 pounds, her husband loved her, and God loved her. Being fat or skinny has no effect on true love. It shouldn't.
Hearing that reminded me that even I don't have a right to hate myself. It's counterproductive.
I turned my thoughts toward the loving and positive. I asked God to help me through the day, and I prayed for a few other folks,too. I decided NOT to berate myself, but love myself TODAY. I refused to get on the self-insulting bandwagon.
Pilates went better than I expected. It was very hard--some positions didn't let me breathe, so we couldn't do some stuff. But my wonderful trainer is a pro at finding how to make stuff work, no matter the obstacle. I didn't get as tough as workout as when I'm well, and yet I got to the point of some muscles burning and trembling. And I got props for keeping my abdominals engaged. Tough when oxygen is at a premium and I had to use mouth-inbreathing (which is normally a no-no in Pilates).
Next, I come home and I put on Oprah. The show (just finished) was a follow-up to the Best Life week of shows. And Oprah, talking about her own weight loss journey of today, says, "It begins with love."
So that's two women with weight issues who both say this: START WITH LOVE.
Accept love--from God, from others, FROM YOURSELF. Give love, especially when you are hating yourself for whatever slip or bad choice. Don't ever hate on yourself (much less others). That doesn't help.
And love the body you have now, as Oprah said, because it's the body that God is blessing you in..now..today.
So, with that said, on to a book review:
Yesterday, I got myself a new "weight loss" book as a bit of motivation. I actually do find it motivating. It preempted a possible binge this pm (I was still insufficiently hydrated, and that thirst sensation was about to spur on some bad eating mojo.) But THE BIG SKINNY put a brake on it. (thank you, Carol Lay) It's a charming, amusing, practical, inspiring, friendly, useful book. It's done in comics strip/book style--all illustrated with writing in the panels--and it's just too cool. The author is honest about what worked for her, about the pitfalls, the saboteurs, exercise, whole foods, calorie counting, etc. She has a list of common foods and their calories, easy ways to eyeball measurements, shows the exercises she does, and displays in visual form how she fights off temptation.
I did a review for it for amazon just now.
If you like comic strips or comic books, I would really recommend this. Such fun. And so smartly done.
You know what, I recommend it even if you never have read a comic book in your life. Honestly.
Now, please be kind to yourself today. Be grateful for your body, yes that one. No matter how imperfect. It's the one in and through which you are blessed in so many ways. That's the body that lets you hug loved ones, the one that carried your kids (if you have 'em), the one that lets you swim or dance or make love or see the sky or smell the ocean or sing a song or savor a delicious cup of coffee. Your body is amazing, even if it's fat and mushy. Even if, like mine, it's medically defective. Yes, I can still do so much. And it can become BETTER, every day.
Love yourself, and go do something happy and healthful or that miracle-body of yours.
But I decided not to get into that negative mindset that goes into attack mode: Why didn't you eat more potassium-rich foods, dummy? Why did you have to have that salty soup, idiot?
No, none of that.
Here's why:
Yes, I weighed myself this morning, and got bummed over the bloat-weight. BUT...
I was listening to the radio while getting ready to go to Pilates (my first class since over three weeks ago, when I stopped going due to my breathing issues.) I am still not completely well. I'm still congested. But instead of feeling like someone was sitting on my chest and strangling me, it feels like they got off my chest and just have their hands around my throat and pressing a bit. It's improvement, though hardly wonderful. But I figured if all I could do was stretch, then that's what we'd do. I felt all stiff from sitting/lying around for 3.5 weeks. So, I needed, NEEDED, to get some exercise/stretching.
So, back to my morning moment: I was listening to the radio show in the bathroom, one on a local Christian station, and a lady who got up to 350 pounds was talking about her personal journey. And she said that the thing that clicked, that got her to begin to shed the weight was realizing and accepting how very much she was loved. That even at 350 pounds, her husband loved her, and God loved her. Being fat or skinny has no effect on true love. It shouldn't.
Hearing that reminded me that even I don't have a right to hate myself. It's counterproductive.
I turned my thoughts toward the loving and positive. I asked God to help me through the day, and I prayed for a few other folks,too. I decided NOT to berate myself, but love myself TODAY. I refused to get on the self-insulting bandwagon.
Pilates went better than I expected. It was very hard--some positions didn't let me breathe, so we couldn't do some stuff. But my wonderful trainer is a pro at finding how to make stuff work, no matter the obstacle. I didn't get as tough as workout as when I'm well, and yet I got to the point of some muscles burning and trembling. And I got props for keeping my abdominals engaged. Tough when oxygen is at a premium and I had to use mouth-inbreathing (which is normally a no-no in Pilates).
Next, I come home and I put on Oprah. The show (just finished) was a follow-up to the Best Life week of shows. And Oprah, talking about her own weight loss journey of today, says, "It begins with love."
So that's two women with weight issues who both say this: START WITH LOVE.
Accept love--from God, from others, FROM YOURSELF. Give love, especially when you are hating yourself for whatever slip or bad choice. Don't ever hate on yourself (much less others). That doesn't help.
And love the body you have now, as Oprah said, because it's the body that God is blessing you in..now..today.
So, with that said, on to a book review:
Yesterday, I got myself a new "weight loss" book as a bit of motivation. I actually do find it motivating. It preempted a possible binge this pm (I was still insufficiently hydrated, and that thirst sensation was about to spur on some bad eating mojo.) But THE BIG SKINNY put a brake on it. (thank you, Carol Lay) It's a charming, amusing, practical, inspiring, friendly, useful book. It's done in comics strip/book style--all illustrated with writing in the panels--and it's just too cool. The author is honest about what worked for her, about the pitfalls, the saboteurs, exercise, whole foods, calorie counting, etc. She has a list of common foods and their calories, easy ways to eyeball measurements, shows the exercises she does, and displays in visual form how she fights off temptation.
I did a review for it for amazon just now.
If you like comic strips or comic books, I would really recommend this. Such fun. And so smartly done.
You know what, I recommend it even if you never have read a comic book in your life. Honestly.
Now, please be kind to yourself today. Be grateful for your body, yes that one. No matter how imperfect. It's the one in and through which you are blessed in so many ways. That's the body that lets you hug loved ones, the one that carried your kids (if you have 'em), the one that lets you swim or dance or make love or see the sky or smell the ocean or sing a song or savor a delicious cup of coffee. Your body is amazing, even if it's fat and mushy. Even if, like mine, it's medically defective. Yes, I can still do so much. And it can become BETTER, every day.
Love yourself, and go do something happy and healthful or that miracle-body of yours.
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