Showing posts with label binge eating/overeating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label binge eating/overeating. Show all posts
Read it at "Two Years to Happy Weight After"
Please update your links and follows to the new blog. THANKS!
~~~~~~~~
Please update your links and follows to the new blog. THANKS!
~~~~~~~~
Okay, so yesterday, the beast rose up again in my brain. Read about it here. Fortunately, a smaller beast than in many times past, but I want the halcyon appetite BACK!
Please change your links or "follow" to my new blog:
Two Years to Happy Weight After
Please change your links or "follow" to my new blog:
Two Years to Happy Weight After
So, I didn't meet my challenge goal of 250 lbs. I ended up just maintaining since I last checked in, more or less. 258.8 Thursday weigh-in, the final day of the Summer Slimmin' Challenge.
Began challenge: 267.6
Ended challenge: 258.8
Loss: 8.8 lbs
I am at fault, of course, for not meeting my goals. We are each at fault, when it comes down to it, when we don't give something our all. I simply did not consistently hold up to the challenge suggestions.
BUT...I did end up losing weight and getting into a new "decade" and trying some new stuff strategy/foodwise, and I ended up feeling oddly, mostly calm. Not feeling edge or bingey for most of it. In fact, I feel a lot more calm in general about my eating and I've found myself saying no more easily to pizza, even when I want it. I just have said no with more ease.
Ease.
Well, how much that will continue, who can say? I deeply hope it's part of a larger trajectory towards a better, more healthful weight for me, a place below 200 eventually, but I don't feel rushed, like I do occasionally when I feel like joining a challenge (where I have always lapsed). Lord in Heaven knows there have been plenty of "losers" who think they won the battle only to regain and find, oops, no they didn't. So, I don't ever think my battle will be over, but maybe, just maybe, I'm getting used to the warrior mindset. Not "in full battle mode" warrior, but the warrior in the less intense war zone who still has to be vigilant and make progress. I think maybe I should strive to be a more active, right in the midst of it warrior. But I think that's just not me. I'm a meanderer, not a fighter.
a fat-sorta-fighter? hah.
Whatever, I have not made any great strides in changing behavior other than simply feelng less prone to stuff my face, feeling more prone to leave stuff on the plate and for leftovers, feeling more inclined to DECLINLE inviations to danger zones (read fave Italian and Mexican restaurants).
We do have a gift certificate to a highly rated pasta place and that will be an interesting challenge, as pasta IS one of my danger foods (very easy to just go hog wild when the plate is in your face). But I'm going to assess myself before going (or reschedule). I do plan to have a protein shake BEFORE I leave to sort of take the edge off my appetite. Then, let's see how THAT goes.
I like this non-frantic about food place. I do wish I were not merely maintaining and were more diligent about tracking, water, and more consistent with exercising on non-training days. But I just feel more hopeful, like before year's end, I can lose another 10 to 15 pounds, maybe even 20. That pace would be painfully slow for some, but 4 or 5 pounds a month would be significant in the long run and would put my mind more at ease about my skin having a chance to rebound.
I really continue to get freaked if I try to think about the skin hanging issue to come (and some already here). So, I don't overthink it. I just let myself think in terms of slowness--even if it means years--and keep using good oils and creams to keep skin soft, and keep taking my vitamins to nourish the whole of me, hoping I can have some snap back...
In time, I hope I am so much lighter that I will then have to consider the surgical implications. BUT....perhaps the slow turtle can hope that the skin adapts even a bit. I keep talking to my skin at bedtime, after I've used my Parisian huile de soin after my shower, after I've put the MSM cream on my batwings, thighs, and belly: Please, please, just pull yourself together, be elastic for me, will you, and knit yourself into a smaller size.
My skin may not be listening, but then, the human mind and body are strange, strange things. Maybe it is.
So, me and food are being quite polite to each other and I am not feeling antsy. For now, this is a blessing.
I missed my challenge goal, but I am glad I dipped into it. I'm lighter than when I went into it in June, lighter by just under 9 pounds.
Know what that means: I will look into another challenge. I'll likely meander through that one, too, but if I learn something, advance in my relationship with food, and lose some weight, even if not my goal of loss, the challenge is a success for me.
For my fellow challengers---hope you got something good out of it.
Thanks to Z for organizing it, even if her puter went kaput in the last weeks...
Began challenge: 267.6
Ended challenge: 258.8
Loss: 8.8 lbs
I am at fault, of course, for not meeting my goals. We are each at fault, when it comes down to it, when we don't give something our all. I simply did not consistently hold up to the challenge suggestions.
BUT...I did end up losing weight and getting into a new "decade" and trying some new stuff strategy/foodwise, and I ended up feeling oddly, mostly calm. Not feeling edge or bingey for most of it. In fact, I feel a lot more calm in general about my eating and I've found myself saying no more easily to pizza, even when I want it. I just have said no with more ease.
Ease.
Well, how much that will continue, who can say? I deeply hope it's part of a larger trajectory towards a better, more healthful weight for me, a place below 200 eventually, but I don't feel rushed, like I do occasionally when I feel like joining a challenge (where I have always lapsed). Lord in Heaven knows there have been plenty of "losers" who think they won the battle only to regain and find, oops, no they didn't. So, I don't ever think my battle will be over, but maybe, just maybe, I'm getting used to the warrior mindset. Not "in full battle mode" warrior, but the warrior in the less intense war zone who still has to be vigilant and make progress. I think maybe I should strive to be a more active, right in the midst of it warrior. But I think that's just not me. I'm a meanderer, not a fighter.
a fat-sorta-fighter? hah.
Whatever, I have not made any great strides in changing behavior other than simply feelng less prone to stuff my face, feeling more prone to leave stuff on the plate and for leftovers, feeling more inclined to DECLINLE inviations to danger zones (read fave Italian and Mexican restaurants).
We do have a gift certificate to a highly rated pasta place and that will be an interesting challenge, as pasta IS one of my danger foods (very easy to just go hog wild when the plate is in your face). But I'm going to assess myself before going (or reschedule). I do plan to have a protein shake BEFORE I leave to sort of take the edge off my appetite. Then, let's see how THAT goes.
I like this non-frantic about food place. I do wish I were not merely maintaining and were more diligent about tracking, water, and more consistent with exercising on non-training days. But I just feel more hopeful, like before year's end, I can lose another 10 to 15 pounds, maybe even 20. That pace would be painfully slow for some, but 4 or 5 pounds a month would be significant in the long run and would put my mind more at ease about my skin having a chance to rebound.
I really continue to get freaked if I try to think about the skin hanging issue to come (and some already here). So, I don't overthink it. I just let myself think in terms of slowness--even if it means years--and keep using good oils and creams to keep skin soft, and keep taking my vitamins to nourish the whole of me, hoping I can have some snap back...
In time, I hope I am so much lighter that I will then have to consider the surgical implications. BUT....perhaps the slow turtle can hope that the skin adapts even a bit. I keep talking to my skin at bedtime, after I've used my Parisian huile de soin after my shower, after I've put the MSM cream on my batwings, thighs, and belly: Please, please, just pull yourself together, be elastic for me, will you, and knit yourself into a smaller size.
My skin may not be listening, but then, the human mind and body are strange, strange things. Maybe it is.
So, me and food are being quite polite to each other and I am not feeling antsy. For now, this is a blessing.
I missed my challenge goal, but I am glad I dipped into it. I'm lighter than when I went into it in June, lighter by just under 9 pounds.
Know what that means: I will look into another challenge. I'll likely meander through that one, too, but if I learn something, advance in my relationship with food, and lose some weight, even if not my goal of loss, the challenge is a success for me.
For my fellow challengers---hope you got something good out of it.
Thanks to Z for organizing it, even if her puter went kaput in the last weeks...
Dang, time flies. It's been 9 days since I posted? How can that be? It sure feels like a lot fewer days.
It was a very busy weekend due to activities with family and hubby's birthday celebrations--which began on Friday the 25th. He has World Cup fever and I have been dragged into it, somewhat. I was rooting for the US and for Japan, and both are out. So, bummer.
Summer Slimming stuff:
Food: The weekend was a bust. All the birthday yummies (though I had no cake and toned down my passion for bready things). I did have a bad patch with my rotten, hyperreactive immune system and had to go to the doc to get some steroids in me. I'm much better, but I always worry when steroids come into play, as they tend to send my appetite into crazy trajectories. However, I had stocked up on a lot of good, diet-friendly stuff
I have been sporadically on and off the scale, and Sunday (the challenge weigh-in day) showed an uptick (lots and lots of salt will do that) to 264.8. It got worse going to 266.4, which scared me back to my water drinking, I can tell you.
Today, it was a favorable weigh-in: 261.4
That's a new low recording for this blog. That's lower than what I was in Christmas of 2002.
That's 37.6 pounds off since my high in 2004. That's 27.6 off since I began this blog.
Amazing what getting back to fruit and water will do to debloat. And that's even having soy sauce, as we had an Asian fusion dinner that was a Japanese version of "fajitas"--jasmine rice, hibachi steak in soy butter, sliced portabello mushroom, a really delicious guacamole (just about a tablespoon's worth, sadly), and alo tempura veggies (yes, FRIED onions, broccoli, peppers, and sweet potato), steamed pork gyoza with a soy-based sauce for dipping. Then Valrhona dark chocolate. Hardly a tiny supper or a challenge-friendly one, but I'd been discreet with breakfast and lunch. I guess it balanced out. Hubby and I split the pricey steak dinner, so I got about 2 ounces of the steak, all the mushroom, less than a cup of rice, and that tablespoon of heavenly guacamole. I had ALL the gyoza (five dumplings) and more than half of the tempura veggies (he only likes the onion and broccoli bits).
I exercised three days last week (as opposed to my usual two). The third was cardio and some walking. Not much, but some. Wanted to go to the pool, but the heat and pollens are making me ill, literally, so I'm hiding indoors.
Water has been iffy. Some days okay, some not. Still not an ingrained good habit there.
I haven't been supportive--sorry, as I've barely been on here. Will try to rectify in the coming days.
So, a setback, but I'm getting back on the horse and hope the holiday weekend isn't another roadblock. Must plan. Must plan. :D
Happy weekend and Independence Day to all the fatfighters out there!
It was a very busy weekend due to activities with family and hubby's birthday celebrations--which began on Friday the 25th. He has World Cup fever and I have been dragged into it, somewhat. I was rooting for the US and for Japan, and both are out. So, bummer.
Summer Slimming stuff:
Food: The weekend was a bust. All the birthday yummies (though I had no cake and toned down my passion for bready things). I did have a bad patch with my rotten, hyperreactive immune system and had to go to the doc to get some steroids in me. I'm much better, but I always worry when steroids come into play, as they tend to send my appetite into crazy trajectories. However, I had stocked up on a lot of good, diet-friendly stuff
I have been sporadically on and off the scale, and Sunday (the challenge weigh-in day) showed an uptick (lots and lots of salt will do that) to 264.8. It got worse going to 266.4, which scared me back to my water drinking, I can tell you.
Today, it was a favorable weigh-in: 261.4
That's a new low recording for this blog. That's lower than what I was in Christmas of 2002.
That's 37.6 pounds off since my high in 2004. That's 27.6 off since I began this blog.
Amazing what getting back to fruit and water will do to debloat. And that's even having soy sauce, as we had an Asian fusion dinner that was a Japanese version of "fajitas"--jasmine rice, hibachi steak in soy butter, sliced portabello mushroom, a really delicious guacamole (just about a tablespoon's worth, sadly), and alo tempura veggies (yes, FRIED onions, broccoli, peppers, and sweet potato), steamed pork gyoza with a soy-based sauce for dipping. Then Valrhona dark chocolate. Hardly a tiny supper or a challenge-friendly one, but I'd been discreet with breakfast and lunch. I guess it balanced out. Hubby and I split the pricey steak dinner, so I got about 2 ounces of the steak, all the mushroom, less than a cup of rice, and that tablespoon of heavenly guacamole. I had ALL the gyoza (five dumplings) and more than half of the tempura veggies (he only likes the onion and broccoli bits).
I exercised three days last week (as opposed to my usual two). The third was cardio and some walking. Not much, but some. Wanted to go to the pool, but the heat and pollens are making me ill, literally, so I'm hiding indoors.
Water has been iffy. Some days okay, some not. Still not an ingrained good habit there.
I haven't been supportive--sorry, as I've barely been on here. Will try to rectify in the coming days.
So, a setback, but I'm getting back on the horse and hope the holiday weekend isn't another roadblock. Must plan. Must plan. :D
Happy weekend and Independence Day to all the fatfighters out there!
I'm still fighting off the blues, but on top of that, I'm ticked off at myself for not being fully, utterly committed. I still am stuck in that cycle of eating relatively well for two meals and then going nuts during a third.
Usually, the nuts meal is dinner. Yesterday, it was lunch.
I had gotten myself a perfectly adequate turkey and swiss on multigrain sandwich for lunch after my Pilates class--which went well, as I was breathing so much better and could fully exert myself. Here I was, driving home, sandwich in tow, and--boom!-- I get this raging craving for something madly, Chinesely salty. I'm like this possessed person. So, I take a right when I spot a local Chinese eatery and got a takeaway: the pepper steak combo--that diet-destroying thing that comes with fried rice and an egg roll and soup.
Oh, man. I ate it all.
The poor sandwich was relegated to the fridge.
I felt really not great after. I had a hard time waking up, and ended up sleeping 13 hours.
And I woke up bloated and with dark circles under my eyes. I don't normally suffer from dark circles unless I have sinusitis or other nasal allergy flare-up. But I notice that eating a lot of Chinese food (sodium, MSG?) makes me get dark circles. Hmm.
So, I look like crap, feel like crap and am very pissed off at my total lack of self-control.
I don't know what switch in me has to be pushed, but clearly, I am not committed in my will as much as I am in my mind. My mind wakes up deciding to go, my will decides to be a promiscuous food whore.
I am not giving up, but I am wishing there was an easier way to flip that switch and get going on this.
So frustrated. But not surrendering.
~
Usually, the nuts meal is dinner. Yesterday, it was lunch.
I had gotten myself a perfectly adequate turkey and swiss on multigrain sandwich for lunch after my Pilates class--which went well, as I was breathing so much better and could fully exert myself. Here I was, driving home, sandwich in tow, and--boom!-- I get this raging craving for something madly, Chinesely salty. I'm like this possessed person. So, I take a right when I spot a local Chinese eatery and got a takeaway: the pepper steak combo--that diet-destroying thing that comes with fried rice and an egg roll and soup.
Oh, man. I ate it all.
The poor sandwich was relegated to the fridge.
I felt really not great after. I had a hard time waking up, and ended up sleeping 13 hours.
And I woke up bloated and with dark circles under my eyes. I don't normally suffer from dark circles unless I have sinusitis or other nasal allergy flare-up. But I notice that eating a lot of Chinese food (sodium, MSG?) makes me get dark circles. Hmm.
So, I look like crap, feel like crap and am very pissed off at my total lack of self-control.
I don't know what switch in me has to be pushed, but clearly, I am not committed in my will as much as I am in my mind. My mind wakes up deciding to go, my will decides to be a promiscuous food whore.
I am not giving up, but I am wishing there was an easier way to flip that switch and get going on this.
So frustrated. But not surrendering.
~
"A name is just a box we put ideas in. What matters is that I understand my relationship with food. Then I can start figuring out the consequences my environment, my thoughts, and my actions have on that relationship and make plans to manipulate these things to my best advantage. I don't know what the official definition of addiction is, though I could look it up on dictionary.com or the DMV-IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). I don't know if what happens in my brain when there is leftover cake in the break room is the same thing that happens when an alcoholic is inside a liquor store or a smoker is inhaling second-hand smoke at a bar. It would be interesting to know, but I doubt it matters unless you're working on a cure for addiction. Right now I'm just trying to cope with the way I am. Giving my problems a name seems less relevant than managing them."--by the Pasta Queen
~
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