Regain, Recommitment, and Retracing Steps to Better Habits--aka/WHERE IS MY FIRE?

The news is not good. But, hey, I knew it was coming for weigh-in day.

I've never been big on consistency when it comes to things like diet and exercise. I was always one of those, "Oh, let me go on a diet," then last no more usually than two days or two weeks or, at most, two months. Then, blam, back to old habits.

Well, I've managed to exercise regularly for nearly six months now. But the food consistency is eluding me. And for dieters, that is the NUMBER ONE issue. If the food isn't controlled, exercise away, but the loss will be negligible to nil. Eat enough, and exercising can't stop regain. We've seen that even on The Biggest Loser. It's the calories, stupid. :)

Well, I got on the scale after a month plus of just being a slacker. The result: 276.4.

Holy crap. I regained like 5 pounds. In a month. I wasn't even all-out bingeing. Just not vigilant.

Shit.

Okay, enough of the potty mou--er, keyboard.

I wish I could find the internal button one pushes to get to that BLAM moment that makes on commit intensely. I haven't. So, I've been semi-committed, half-heartedly in the fatfighting game.

And it shows. While I don't LOOK bigger, and in fact, look smaller due to the exercising, I am still firmly stuck in the 270's, which is making me a crazy woman. Really, I'm so sick of being here.

So, why don't I get out of here in the downward trajectory?

Cause I am not on fire. It's all about having this ongoing flame inside that ignites whatever is in a person that makes them consistently do something--be it pursue a career, keep a marriage going, train for a marathon, etc.

This week, I'm gonna be all about rescheduling the activities that got me down from 299 to begin with, cause these activities have gone by the wayside:

1. getting fresh groceries
2. preparing meals at home instead of getting take-out
3. keeping a food journal
4. drinking lots of water
5. praying about my weight journey

Every single one of those has gone kaput one by one over the last couple of months. And the results show it.

What works, works. When you stop working it, it stops working, and regain results.

The same sort of slack happened to Oprah:

In Oprah's case, she admits to stopping her exercise sessions, her meditations and going back to eating higher calorie foods.

Oprah regained 40 pounds.

I'm guessing the same thing happened to Kirstie Alley--stopped the Jenny Craig regimen, started adding her own comfort foods, gave up the working out, vigilance diminishes bit by bit until, what, all gone. She was looking big again this past summer. I have no idea if she's up or down as of this post. But she probably has regained as much more pounds than Oprah.

I had a setback when my organic grocer closed their business (temporarily, I hope, but who knows with this economy). I sort of just started doing delivery and takeout--which means DANGER.

So, that has to stop. Tomorrow, I have to go shopping (which I hate) and get the produce I need to make better food choices.

I have to start making meals again, the way I was when I was losing and holding on. I can control the ingredients at home. I can't in a restaurant.

I've totally slacked on water. I have actually had says when I had NO WATER AT ALL. This is bad. It's too easy to confuse thirst with hunger. Plus, not enough water contributes to bloat and makes number twos uncomfy. Ya know what I mean?

I do notice that when one domino goes, like a food journal (which is a tuchis-painer, but so necessary for me, anyway, to be accountable and aware), the others follow. It's like this cord connecting all the good strategies, and if one part topples, the pull on the others is nearly irresistible. Boom. Boom. Boom. All down.

Weight up.

I have had the BECK FOR LIFE book lying around for weeks. I was supposed to review it for amazon (got it free). So, I want to start into that and apply the system. I don't FEEL like it. I FEEL like napping rather than working out. I FEEL like shoving a pizza in my face instead of an egg white veggie omelette. But we obese folks don't do well following our feelings. They are often self-destructive.

So, here I go again. Five pounds up.

My mood is not dark. It's just a big sigh of frustration that I didn't nip this closer to the bud. So much easier catching 2 pounds than 5, right?

I really need to get my fire mojo back. Where is it? Where did it go? How do I find it again?

Ah, well. The quest starts again this week.

I'm getting to the point of trying the Portion Doctor's plates.
Although, really, how overpriced are those? And kinda homely.

Let me go find my food journal. It's buried under a pile of unfolded laundry, I think?